No Te Vaaaaayas

Roberto: “Miss Kelsey, cuando te vas?”  (Miss Kelsey, when do you leave?)
Me:  “No me voy.  Estoy aca, mirando la celebracion pues.”  (I’m not going. I’m here, watching the celebrations, duh.)
Roberto: “Noooo, cuando te vas? A los Estados Unidos?”  (Noooo, when do you leave? Back to the USA?)
Me:  “Ohhh, el otro ano que viene. En Julio o agosto.”  (Ohhh, next year.  In July or August.)
Roberto:  “Noooo, no te vaaaayas. Te voy a extrañar muchisimo.”  (Noooo, don’t leave.  I am going to miss you soooo much.)
Me:  “Awwww, te voy a extranar tambien, Roberto!”  (Awww, I’m going to miss you, too, Roberto!)
Roberto:  “Miss Kelsey, te quiero.”  (Miss Kelsey, I love you.)
Me:  “Roberto Jesus, mi vida, te quiero tambien!”  (Roberto Jesus, darling, I love you, too!)

Roberto is a 7-year-old bundle of joy, energy, and love.  He is a trouble-maker in school and is always getting in time-out.  He is loud, silly, rambunctious, and funny.  And I love him.  He is, by far, my favorite person in site, and possibly even in all of Peru.  Every time he sees me, without fail, no matter where we are, he runs to me, jumps in my arms, and gives me a giant hug.  He is so full of affection, and always tells me how much he loves me and how much he will miss me when I leave.  I don’t live with Roberto, but he calls me his sister, and I call him my brother.  I love that little boy.  He brings joy to my life every time I see his goofy smile.

I have that conversation at least twice a week, where somebody asks me when I’m leaving and then begs me to stay.  Usually I just giggle and say something like, “Oh, I have to go back. My family and friends are in the States, and I have to get a job. I’ll come back and visit.”  But that time, with Roberto, I almost started crying.  I realized that I’m not ready to leave Peru.  I’m not ready to say goodbye to my host family, my socios, my friends, my Roberto. 

There were times when I couldn’t fathom making it two whole years in this tiny little site of mine.  When I dreamt of taking hot showers, having fast internet, drinking real beer, eating anything but rice.  And I still sometimes dream of those things, but not as often, and they don’t mean as much to me as they used to.  Now I can’t fathom leaving this place in a year.  Leaving behind my Pepto-Bismol pink room, not waking up to the sound of cats fighting on my roof, not having hours upon hours with nothing to do but just be.  The past year seemed too long, and the upcoming year doesn’t seem long enough.  There is still so much I need to do, places I want to see, things I need to say, people I want to hang out with, classes I need to teach, books I want to read.  In the words of Willy Wonka, “So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.”

Sitting there, watching the Fiestas Patrias celebrations with Roberto on my lap, I realized that I really do love my life here and I’m not quite ready to say goodbye to it.  I have a year left.  It sounds like a lot, but it really isn’t.  July 2013 is looming in the distance; I can’t wait to be home, back in the comfort of the United States, speaking English and surrounding myself with friends and family.  But I’m not looking forward to the day when I have to say goodbye to my life here, and everything that it means to me.  I don’t know if I’m prepared to deal with the mixed emotions that leaving this place brings.  I do know one thing for sure, and that is that I am ready for the next year to take its sweet, precious time.  Bobby D’s bbq ranch and pulled pork sandwiches can wait- I’ve got work to do, relationships to build, books to read, and tons of trashy Peruvian television to watch.  Here’s to a long and fulfilling next year.

“Travel deep inside yourself without the baggage of conditioning. Be an explorer, have patience, and eventually your true nature will surface. You will return from your journey with fresh skin and you will approach each day with a wonderful sense of wonder and bliss.”

                        -- Marco R. Capristo